The World We Allow Ourselves To Live In

A friend of mine posted a topic of discussion on Facebook concerning efforts to bring criminal charges against parents who allow their children aged 9 or younger to play out front or in a park unattended, and some want to make it for children 12 and under.

Yes, we live in more dangerous times. There are more people living closer together fighting for the same or fewer jobs than 20 years ago. People don't live in the same community all their lives with their family as a personal support group, we as a Nation are more spread out, more diversified, and this leads to us not trusting each other and allowing the criminal element to flourish and for us to want more laws designed to protect us.

From ourselves.

You see, these same thoughts have been uttered the past twenty, forty, and in my case (sigh) fifty years, and you know what? Yes, our own little corner of the world IS more scary, which translates into many more corners around the world being more scary, but that is in part because we have made it so. We have made it so by forgetting how to be good people on our own without every single person or talking head telling us how to behave, what to think, and whose fault it is.

It has made for good comedy over the years, but how many of you spent your childhoods running through the woods exploring streams and creeks, looking for fingerlings and tadpoles and baby frogs? And knew that the Cardinal Sins of Childhood were (1) talking back to your parents (2) not telling them where you were going, who with, and when you would be back (3) not being inside the house when the neighbor's or residential street lights came on at dusk (4) forgetting your manners when out in public (5) using bad language or bad grammar (6) not respecting other's property.  You knew that any infraction would lead to a spanking and possible grounding depending on the severity of our transgression. I'm not talking a pummeling,  bruising, child-abuse level beating, but a good swat on the behind( my family did not believe in paddles or belts but flyswatters were an option in the case of extending the reach as a transgression was occurring) and a major scolding.

Our children and ourselves are no longer self-aware. We are wired-up, plugged-in, and tuned out to our surroundings. We don't want people bothering us, close to us, talking to us anymore for fear they might hurt us emotionally as well as physically and yet that is exactly what is happening. We are in fear of what we hear on the news so we wall ourselves off from it. We talk tough about what we would do if someone ever broke into our house. We start carrying weapons because the next person who touches us might be out to harm us. We stop making eye contact. We don't want to be involved when we see an argument between an adult and a recalcitrant child because it's probably a parent dealing with their child. Until we hear about the child abduction and then we are all about 'Protecting the Children' when in fact all we are doing is adding an extra layer between us and personal culpability.
We have unintentionally become a bubble wrap society. We hold conversations with our friends in chat rooms. We air our personal feelings out for social media to see yet we are incapable of holding a conversation with the person seated next to us on the bus. People don't live in neighborhoods anymore, they live in covenant-bound planned communities. We don't hold ouselves to the same high standards we expect from others, be it best friends or family or coworkers, and lament over it.

The UK and Europe aren't immune, either, but it's happening slower. The pub is dying. Not just because of drinking and driving or because it's cheaper to buy a six pack and drink at home, but because it's become inconvenient to meet up with friends after work for a beer or a bite to eat and easier to IM your life away. There are many pubs which now serve meals so they can attract more business. I often see several families meeting up at a pub-kids included- enjoying a beautiful evening over a meal. Lots of conversation and laughter. Lots of personal interaction. These small neighborhood pubs are gathering places and not just pickup joints. Most evenings you can go into a pub, join in a conversation, and see some of those same people the following week. You get to where people at least know you to nod at you on the street, and there is something nice about that, something that makes you feel you belong. People begin to recognize you when you frequent their business. They notice when you haven't been in in a while or, as with Mike and I, if only one of us comes in. If you regularly come in for a particular item, they make an effort to keep it stocked. Pretty soon the neighborhood becomes a living, breathing, entity where people begin to become involved and to associate with each other. This isn't some sleepy little town but a city of 88,000. You can find this in London and Glasgow and Amsterdam, but if they're not careful they will lose this vital segment of their social culture.

We often complain about not having time to spend with family and friends but it's because we don't have the motivation to do so. We ping them on Facebook to chat instead of doing it face to face. Our parents and grandparents worked long hours too, and yet somehow they still managed to make time to go across town to see friends or family. Maybe it's time for us to start living like that again. Maybe it starts with inviting a couple of people on your street or in your apartment to a potluck or bring your own drinks and you'll have some inexpensive snacks or a fruit and cheese tray out. Or grill burgers out front and ask a neighbor if they would care to join you. If enough people will do it, then maybe our children will be free to run in their neighborhood or to the park or into the woods as we did.

We have to start somewhere, but most importantly, we have to start and not give up and pass these lessons on to our children.